I was a pastor’s kid and my parents taught me how to live life according to the word of God and biblical principles, but at the age of thirteen, I began to question this life that my parents MADE me live. Slowly but surely, I started sliding away from those Godly principles.
Now don’t get it twisted. I didn’t go emo; I didn’t drink nor smoke, nor get tempted to do so. The only weakness my faith had came when a boy called Ray came into my life and I thought I was completely in love, that we were going to have kids and get married and have the good life. But turns out, that was far from what really happened. He ended up backsliding and I just watched in disbelief that he was so far from the cool boy I once knew. I wasn’t exactly heartbroken or anything, I was more confused as to why I was here, what I was going to become, and who would love me.
At that stage in my life, I had insecurities that ruled me almost completely. I had braces; I had glasses and didn’t exactly look like a model. So I thought: “now what?” and answered: “let’s live!” So that’s where all the chips fell.
Again, don’t get it twisted. I wasn’t having sex, drinking, or smoking, but I was fooling around and having what the world would call a “good time”.
In the year 2008, I kissed too many guys to even remember. Guys from church, malls, restaurants… I just look back at it all and think: “what the heck?!” Anyway, it got to a point where I looked for them and found them obviously waiting for a girl like me to come and “entertain” their lives.
Then in October 2008, I met a girl named Lindi and we “clicked”. We claimed to be BFF (Best Friends Forever) practically from day one. She was one of those cute, innocent people I happened to have met. I didn’t think she was, I don’t know… a girl with so much baggage! I also met her “man” at the time… We shall call him “Letter D”. Oh Lord, help me now. He was cool, saved, tall, black as coal, but apparently “very sweet”. Then I found out that these two were not as close as they led on… They were closer. Yes folks, intimate close.
Now all this was happening while I was strung out on this dude called “Letter W” and I was a hot worldly mess, to be honest. No tears, just thoughts of worthlessness and chronic depression. My friends would help, particularly Lindi, but I knew something had to change. I knew kissing random guys was wrong, especially if it was three guys in a day!
One day, during our holidays in March, Lindi and I got into our first fight. My dad’s church was having a youth gathering that weekend (a slumber party) and I went without her. Unfortunately, I was not prepared for what was going to happen next. Ray was there, and in my vulnerable state, he decided that he was going to toy with me, and he did so very well, initially to a point of rage and then to a point of brokenness. I hit rock bottom.
My parents and I were fighting. My friend and I were fighting. My ex and I were done. My God and I were completely out of sync. And I knew I felt empty.
Then this guy from our youth wanted us all to pray for some silly reason, something about Rihanna and her “evilness”. So we started praying. I didn’t feel like praying, but I dug deep for the energy. Ray was a part of our prayer circle, so I avoided all eye contact and looked up to God. As I opened my mouth and prayed in the spirit, I wept like I’ve never wept before and dropped to my knees. God had unplugged my drain and was letting all that pain and anguish flow right out of me. Then I sang for the first time in tongues and when our youth leader translated it, it said: “Lord, deliver us. Lord, come.”
When I looked at the clock, it was 2am on Easter Sunday. God had changed my life, my heart, my mindset, within just two hours of sincerely seeking His face and surrendering it all to Him. From then on, to this very day, I’ve been on fire for God.
Signed, an apostle’s child.
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